Surely, there are dirty marital habits that lead to divorce in marriages all over the world. Couples get so in love, look inseparable and next next minute they could be heading for divorce or putting an end to a marriage.
Most marriage destroyers have been attributed to acts of infidelity, mental or physically abuse, cheating, talking down at your spouse or not supporting them with their careers etc.
Marriages do not just suddenly hit the rocks and get dissolved, there must have been a storm that would have been building up which both partners knew about. Causes of divorce are different and sometimes could be similar in nature among couples.
While some of these habits are avoidable, some are simply committed when one or both partners feel lost love in their marriage and hence no effort to save it.
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Till death do us part is every couple’s desire when they stand at the altar exchanging those beautiful marital vows. Even though it’s their utmost desire and dream to keep and live up to those vows, somehow along the line they get crushed by divorce.
Dissolution is usually a painful period for both parties and no one ever anticipate for it because it doesn’t only affect the parties involved but it affects the kids negatively during such period and also extends to relations, friends, colleagues and other buddies.
Most times, the things that kill any relationship quickly are so minor and too petite to point at. You may be wondering reasons why couples who seemed so in love with each other suddenly starts drifting away and ending the relationship at a point.
When a concerned friend to both parties decides to inquire on what really caused the gap that led to the break up, you get an answer like, ‘’we don’t even know what happened along the line’’. Truth is, no couple who have at one time seemed to be so in love ever wished to have less passion or attraction towards each other, never! So what happened to that once beautiful relationship?
There is no perfect relationship anywhere and there is no perfect man or woman anywhere in the world.
Even if you’re having problems now, it doesn’t mean your marriage is headed for divorce. In recent survey, result have it that couples are more likely to try to work things out their problems and break those dirty marital habits that could lead to divorce which they’ve consciously or unconsciously developed overtime than they were some 10 years ago.
Therefore, to keep out of the lawyer’s office, here are some of those dirty marital habits that lead couples to visit therapists which most times end up in a split.
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Ugly Habits Therapists Blame Always End A Marriage
1- Third party interference
A marriage is a union between two persons and not between three people (except where it is polygamous), and in a marriage there must be arguments and little fights sometimes which must be settled between partners and must not involve another party trying to mediate (even if the third party is a family member).
When a third party gets involved, chances are there that it will only increase and compound the problem.
Third party also includes the social media. There is a high percentage that your marriage will last longer when partners keep their marriage private between them.
2- Being secretive with your income
Money is a major problem in many marriage. The lack of money or absent of it doesn’t usually cause divorce but when one partner decides to hold some back for himself/herself without letting the other partner in concerning is one of the top reasons for divorce. One partner after finding out may not trust the other and this can sometimes lead to the dissolution.
It’s true that opposites can attract but when two people are opposites in the financial department divorce often ensues. Imagine the conflict if one is a saver and one is a spender. One is focused on the future while the other believes in living for today.
One has no problem buying on credit, while the other believes in saving up for what one wants. Over time, this conflict can reach such heights that divorce seems to be the only logical conclusion.
3- Money/ Bad Debt Management
Closely related to the point above is that of poor management of money. The American Journal of Sociology recently published a study that found a husband’s unemployment can be a key factor behind divorce. In fact, lack of money can often cause marital problems to flare into a divorce filing.
A married couple facing financial difficulties is often under a lot of stress, which in turn can lead to constant arguing and lack of communications. Couples who don’t see eye to eye on spending habits or that are in relationships where one spouse has and controls the finances, often face marital strain that culminates in divorce.
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4- Failure to complement your partner’s appearance.
Simple words like, ‘’you look good or amazing in that dress’’, ‘’wow, I love your new hair’’, or saying a simple ‘’I love you’’, go a long way in strengthening your relationships and absence of such complements sometimes have been pointed out to be one of the many things that kill any relationship quickly without you knowing.
Fact is, Women love their looks to be complemented by their partners, while men on the other hand love when they are appreciated for being a dotting husband and father.
There are situations when men do not take into cognizance of their partner’s appearance or when she does a new hair or buy new clothes or even get her nails done. If you are a man and you are like this, you need to wake up ASAP.
Reason is, when you complement your partner, it gives her so much confidence at home or elsewhere and when you show appreciation to your husband, he tends to do more in providing and making sure you and the kids are well taken care of. There is no special magic to it.
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In other words, this is termed Stonewalling.
In Stonewalling, partners are quick to withdraw during any conversation even when both of them are physically present in a room. This happens more regularly among the men folks and you hear them saying, ‘’please, am not ready for this’’.
There are times when couples are so comfortable with one another, they don’t feel they need to keep the conversation going. They talk when they feel like it, and so when there’s silence, it’s no big deal, however if it’s over extended periods of time, (weeks, months, etc.), and there’s little or no talk, something’s very wrong.
6- Not Being Fully Present
I could talk about putting your phone down when you have date nights or paying attention when your spouse speaks to you, but being fully present goes far beyond. You have to be there, in the moment with your full attention on whatever is happening.
We waste so much of our life living distracted. We miss the little moments that make our life and marriage unique.
Choose to love every day. The stats about marriage surviving are pretty grim, but they don’t have to apply to your marriage.
Let’s have a mental picture of a priest dating or about to get married to a stripper. He works in religious institution while she is employed to dance seductively and naked in a bar. I guess you all would say it’s impossible and even if they make it to the alter, that union may head for collapse sooner than later because they lack relationship compatibility, right?
Sometimes, opposite attracts and that’s not really a good thing because being too different can lead to conflict. Truth is, they both can’t even date each other in the first place, not because they may not like each other but because a natural ingredient that must be in any relationship will be lacking- compatibility!
Any experience or addition? Kindly air your thoughts in the comment section.