This is the concluding part of Earl Richards true life story of Family Violence: The Effects of Forced Parenthood On Kids. Read part 1 here.
My mind was brutalized in my teenage and preteen age years before I could speak and understand words and comprehend ideas and concepts. Whether David Richards was either in or out of jail, we were still on welfare. Convicted and all known wife beaters should be put on the “dangerous offenders” list and should be prohibited from owning firearms and explosives.
When this whino-whelp left the jail in April 1963, we were not looking forward to his return and my mother was entering her eighth month of pregnancy. The barrier stopping her from being beaten was me. She was a physical and nervous wreck trapped by unrealistic divorce laws.
She was trapped by the desertion laws because with her grade school education she was not aware of the fine legal definition/principle of constructive desertion. If physical brutality was grounds for divorce prior to 1968, my mother did not seem to know about it. In my mother’s mind, it took years to get a divorce.
When my brother was born on June 7, 1963, he was born with an enlarged heart. This meant he had to go to the Sick Children’s Hospital in Toronto and have his heart checked every six months for the first 7 years of his life.
The enlarged heart was caused by my mother’s nervousness which was caused by my father’s shouting, slamming doors and general carousing which increased her heartbeat causing an increase in her blood pressure and a causal effect on the heart of the baby inside her.
The problem of wife beating transcends professional boundaries. Fortunately, when David Richards got out of jail I was bigger than he was, so during the final months of her pregnancy he did not beat her, but she took loud verbal abuse. Even today, she frequently goes to the hospital for operations for ulcers.
In Sweden, a social worker has the authority from the state to take children away from a similar situation to that which I experienced in my childhood; an action the negligent Barrie Family Court did not have the common sense or intelligence to do and the Barrie CAS and social workers were too lazy to check on the household conditions, i.e., no food or heat in the house and too lazy to check on the children.
Abuse starts early, not only at home and on the streets, but in the schools. In 1952 in grade 1, Winston Law, the Principal of the Prince of Wales School, threatened all of us small children with the strap which caused more behavioral damage and behavioral adjustments for me than the actual physical strapping I received from him in Grade 7.
If he wanted to try something like that now, he will get a swift steel capped boot up the backside. In Sweden, the Parliament passed a law making it illegal to hit children at home and at school. Is it still permissible to strap children or is corporal punishment a criminal offence?
You might find this very strange or difficult to believe, but the fighting and beatings that went on between my parents and the beatings I administered to David Richards I thought was normal behavior in my teenage and preteen age years. I was slapped by my mother when I was small, if she wanted to do that now, she would get a swift steel capped boot up the backside.
Corporal punishment and spankings are one of the causes of wife beating and leads to the physical abuse of children, and creates school yard bullies. I never felt any attachment or bonding to my parents. When I was 13, David Richards punched me in the head.
I phoned the Barrie Police and they did about as much as the CAS which is farce and a sham. The police failed to carry out the duty to report the abuse and assault to the CAS, since the Barrie Police were too lazy to investigate the assault causing bodily harm. A punch in the head is not corporal punishment; It is assault causing bodily harm. The law is as good as those who enforce it.
When I was a child I did not really understand what the CAS was all about and still do not. The CAS does not extend its services to children in need. The CAS cannot be aware of all the child abuse and neglect, but I don’t understand why they don’t follow up the child abuse and neglect situations that appear to the police, in the family courts, on the streets, in homes that they investigate, and the children listed on the welfare rolls.
When David Richards came out of jail, Judge Hamilton ordered him to pay so much support money; But it was never enforced and we were still hungry on welfare. Whoever was supposed to enforce the maintenance order did not do their job? The social workers and the CAS workers did not carry out their duties with due diligence to ensure that the welfare money was spent on us children.
The Director of Social Work did not check on us children to ensure that the social workers were doing their job. The house was always cold in the winter and my mother had a sick baby to look after.
What did I have to do to my father to get some food out of him? Kick his brains out! As for feeding his children, he did not seem to know that was one of his responsibilities as a father, I guess somebody forgot to tell him. On July 19, 1979, at 57 years of age, he died from a perforated ulcer; I can’t say that I missed him. I found out about the death a few months later.
He did not have a normal life, since he was an abused child. In October 1976, his sister in central Saskatchewan (Spalding) said that when he was small his father used to throw him outside of the house into a snow bank and kick him. The scars of a violent childhood never heal.
It was just the way she said it like it was perfectly normal and that there was nothing with treating children like that. My mother was an abused child, too. She was the oldest and had to do all the farm work and if she didn’t, she would be rapped on the head with a broom handle and threatened with no meals by her parents.
My father was more retarded than the borderline retardation of my mother. If my parents are partially retarded and feebleminded with Grade 7 education, why am I not like them? I have a Bachelor of Commerce Degree from Dalhousie University and am a graduate of Air Force Staff School.
My father never snapped out of the abuse and neglect he received in his childhood. He was a drunken, raving, psychopathic lunatic and a sober, silent, paranoid schizophrenic. In the 1940’s, those crazy churches would marry just about anything because they didn’t know what they were talking about.
Both my parents have suffered from infantilism. I am a product of forced motherhood and ignorance of birth control. In April 1979, I went to Barrie and my youngest brother (born 1963) was in the Royal Victoria Hospital. My mother was there and we got in a verbal fight. I told her I wished I was never born and then my 15 year old brother screamed out the same thing. Children having children.
My mother could not believe it. The Bible and religion are not relevant to my life and they are a failure like the CAS, the Police, the Family Court, the social services and the legal profession.
The Welfare Department, the Family Court and the CAS are filled up with “deadwood” from the same political party who are collecting their salaries from the taxpayers, but were not providing the services that they were paid for, because they do not know what they are doing, they have no common sense, no intelligence and they are lazy and clueless.
In September 1964, at 17 year of age, I left; I could not take any more. I was a nervous wreck, mentally and physically exhausted, suffering from chronic malnutrition, incurable insomnia and passive tuberculosis.
Guess how long my mother lasted? Six months! During that period of time he must have beaten her up so hard and so often that she finally left in February 1965. My mother was not pregnant, because I was not there to pound him down.
Perhaps, some people are not familiar with mother bashing, my brothers knew all about wife beating, when they were six years old, and I knew all about wife beating, when I was nine years old. These final beatings against my mother were not provoked. Peace bonds are useless. All of this domestic violence occurred within a legal framework of unrealistic divorce laws.
Twenty two years later in June 1986, physical brutality and mental cruelty finally became grounds for immediate divorce. Spouse abuse, domestic disputes, gender violence and intimate partner violence are euphemisms for wife beating.
My mother, my twin brothers and my 20 month old brother moved without police protection and without CAS protection into a filthy apartment on Mary Street, owned by an anonymous landlord, compliments of the Welfare Department of the City of Barrie. It is astounding that the social workers and the CAS would permit a mother with a 20 month old baby to move into such a dirty place.
This filthy apartment is where mothers and babies should be removed from, not put in. There were no battered women’s transition houses in those days. Governments have a duty to protect the law abiding citizens by funding prisons to keep the criminals and murderers in, and by funding battered women’s shelters, to keep the good people in, and the criminals and murderers out.
Severely beaten women and wives living under death threats should be permitted to disappear forever into the witness protection program, because the wife does not have to kill her spouse to protect herself, or be killed herself.
So that’s the way it was growing up in Barrie, Ontario, and I still do not consider myself to be a normal person (borderline syndrome), principally because of an incompetent, negligent judge and lawyer with no insight and foresight, and lazy, negligent CAS workers and social workers who did not check on the condition of the children of town drunks.
If the social workers and the CAS workers do not know enough to check on the children, then, what is their “Raison d’etre?” Even today, I still do not sleep normally. If you want to use this letter for the CSPCC Journal and any professional publications or newspapers, or for any reason, you have my permission free of charge. In summation, Canadian society does not have much use for children.
Board of Directors (Honorary)
Texhoma Domestic Violence Victims Institute
Board of Directors
Men of Justice www.mojac.info