While it’s not always an easy task to rekindle lost affection in your relationship when it is missing, it could also be fun to partners involved.
Around the middle of November, while at the office, I got a call from a lady who didn’t give her name and location, but the number stated it was a local call. She’d called me seeking for advice after coming across my blog.
Her problem was that her husband got hold of her phone and saw the Whatsapp chats she’d been having with one of her husband’s friends. She was honest enough to have acknowledged the fact that she made a mistake having such conversation with a friend of her husband. Yes, a $.e.x chat.
Before I go on on this, here are some important facts to note:
- According to her, the husband has been having extramarital affairs with several women and has abandoned her at home of every love.
- Secondly, there was no affection between them even before she birthed her last child.
- While she felt bored, she needed attention, thus initiating a chat with her husband’s friend who kept her company but developed to $.e.x chats
- There was no exchange of nude pictures just chats.
- It was her first time and nothing ”funny” had happened between them.
- Also, while she wasn’t proud of what she did, she’d tried to initiate a conversation with her husband just to state the reason she flirted online with his friend, the husband has refused talking to her.
- He has continued to provide for her and the kids, but he doesn’t speak to her at all: Strangers living as couple.
- Finally (in my opinion), here is a situation of an old pot calling a new kettle black.
While I couldn’t give her any advice because I was still in the office with much work in my hands, I’d promised to give her a call first thing the following morning around 9:00 am when she would be alone with the kids at home while we discussed about it. This didn’t happen anyway because she refused picking my call the next morning.
Since he has refused speaking with her, one advice I’d wanted to give her to begin as the ”healing process” was for her to write a letter stating reasons why she did it and how boring and ”unattended” to she had become. After writing, let her leave it on his side of the bed.
While I do not encourage extramarital affairs, one thing I hate so much here is the way women are tagged with all manner of cruel, demeaning names and shamed when they get involve in such, while the men see it as their birth right to have other women by their sides i.e., side chicks and are given a patting on their backs as being a ”real men”.
They dish it out but can’t take it when women serve them right in their own coin.
Now, back to the topic at hand…
Before any marriage gets to a situation where both parties have agreed to part ways, there must have also been a time in the past when they were so madly in love with each other that they probably thought they’d the clue, secret key or road-map to stay together happily- forever!
Once you felt the two of you were special. Meant for each other. Destined to be together and so on. Yes, every relationship at the beginning once experienced this beautiful stage which I call, love in fantasy paradise.
Now you sit in your couch wondering how your once beautiful and enviable relationship suddenly hit the rocks and the both of you just decided to let it go and find love elsewhere with other people.
The relationship could have crashed but deep down in you there is this longing to go back to your partner. You still miss the other person and really finding it hard to move on. You wish you could have done something to stop the break up.
Many people think that marriage is about marrying the right person, so when things go wrong, they automatically go to the: I accidentally married the wrong person. Truth is, there is no perfect couple or marriage anywhere in the world. All marriages are works in progress.
As a Nigerian, I know that when it comes to the issue of marriage, one thing about we Africans living in Africa is that we so much value the marriage institution, and thus whenever that union is heading for the rocks, family members from both sides try to intervene to make sure the marriage doesn’t crash.
Related article- Simple Ways To Know If You Are With The Wrong Partner
What I am trying to say here is that, our cultural values in Africa place so much importance on marriage and whatever it will take to sustain a marriage, family members would at least make efforts to help retrace where you both erred and seek for ways to correct it just to bring back that beautiful sparks into your relationship once again, especially when it has produced children: our own form of marriage experts/counselling.
While most times, such intervention saved the day, other times one or both parties who probably see no reason to continue in that union would still go ahead with the proposed dissolution of their once beautiful union.
Getting back your relationship on track in a crumbling or already dissolved relationship or marriage doesn’t just happen that easy especially by the other party who must have defaulted along the line and has decided to fight back for that love.
While trying to do this, one thing to always focus or put into consideration is the issue of TRUST which must have been reduced drastically below the belt.
On a course to win back your partner’s affection, building back that trust you once had becomes the major goal and as we all know, this doesn’t just come as simple as standing up from the couch to get hold of a cup of water from the fridge. It takes lots of time- months and even years.
10 Tips to Rekindle the Sparks in your Relationship
When the affection is lost in any marriage or relationship, it simply means what brought you guys together is sunk deep in the bottom of the ocean but another truth to it is that, it can be brought to floating again on the waters.
If you can be honest here, do you think you can find those sparks again if you dive into the waters which brought you together in the first place?
This is not an easy emotional journey to embark on but when and where one has decided to give it a shot at trying, then the reason for it must be achieved.
- Try getting back to where you were before you fell apart.
- Try courting all over again- Now, part of getting the new relationship thrill can come from recreating other aspects of the early days of your relationship: when you couldn’t wait to get your hands on one another, but you couldn’t just throw down.
- Try not involving a third party. It’s a process only the both of you must thread on.
- Going on vacation or short romantic getaway where you both can have time for yourselves and focus on each other only.
- More communication with listening ears
- Remind your partner of how you used to be but in trying to achieve this, don’t push it on him/her.
- Attend social functions together like events and clubbing.
- More intimacy
- Initiate surprise gestures with gifts and show up unexpectedly in your partner’s office.
- Drop whatever ego you have aside and focus only on winning that love back.
Research have it that at one point or the other, it’s natural that married couples fall out of love and they wonder where the sparks went to.
Also, while its so easy to fall in love in the first place, Its also very much easy to fall out of love.
In conclusion therefore, the death of that passion in any committed long-term relationship or marriages is one of the biggest killers of relationships because we associate it with being bored just like the story of the woman above.
Any experience or addition? Kindly air your thoughts in the comment section. Also, if you have any advice for the lady, you can drop them, I believe she may read it and apply them.