How to create sexual desire in a relationship or marriage is one major problem between partners especially those in which partners sexual drives aren’t at par with each other.
While most women understand what sexual tension is all about and desire it in preparation for the real act, a greater percentage of the male folks do not have idea of what that term is. This is not because men refuse to know, but it is because the female body is naturally programmed by nature in such a way that at least a 10 minutes of warm-up (foreplay) is needed before any act of intimacy can take place.
So, while women naturally know that there is need for creating this tension which leads to that desire to be intimate with someone they find attractive, most male folks are totally left in the dark.
According to experts, it is estimated there is a huge sexual gap in one out of every three couples one comes across. Truth is, in most marriages, one spouse is more sexually active than the other and sometimes this leads to couple fights and disagreements.
Most experts in the field has attested to the fact that the sexual gap between couples is one of the many reasons couples seek solution for in their marriage because there is always one couple who wants more intimacy than the other.
Intimacy is a vital ingredient in every relationship and marriage. Absence of it sometimes may spell doom for some marriages and relationships. But then there are some partners who naturally have very low drive for intimacy and so many other times, it depends on the mood of your partner.
When the sex is initiated, the ability to get sexually aroused takes twice as long (if it happens at all) because she has to get out of her negative thought pattern and into feeling the positive pleasures of her body. Women need at least 10 to 15 minutes of warm up; ironically the same length of the average sexual encounter.
Suddenly, the $.ex is over and she hasn’t had a chance to enjoy herself. Even if she had an orgasm this can create an even deeper resentment towards any future $.ex act.
Voila, you’ve hit a $.ex rut and digging yourself deeper every time you have $.ex. In order to bring the zing back into your sex life, it’s essential to build a positive expectation towards $.ex.
Unfortunately if a couple has gone years without discussing this negative circumstance, creating positive thoughts towards $.ex will not happen instantaneously, especially for women who tend to hang onto anger and allow it to linger… sometimes for years. But don’t fret because fixing this situation is doable.
As $.ex is a team sport, it’s up to both of you to make a concerted effort to persevere and bring the fun back into your marriage.
In her book, Dr Trina Read, an expert in Human Sexuality, highlighted 5 great points to address the issue of low libido and bring back sparks into your bedroom.
How to create sexual desire in a relationship or marriage.
1. Good Sex Starts Outside The Bedroom
A little intimacy, affection and touch will go a long way to help a couple easily segue into the bedroom. Make sure to look for ways to have 10 positive and affectionate moments every day.
2. Talk Positively About $.ex
Be aware of how $.ex is communicated between the two of you. Being able to inject some fun, flirty chat into your daily conversation—perhaps about a future sexual encounter—is a simple way to create new, positive $.ex feelings.
3. Take Turns Planning Out Fun $.ex
Too many couples walk into the bedroom without a plan and have the same old (yawn) $.ex. Variety is the sexy spice of life and will do a lot to enhance your sexual desire. And it’s only fair you take turns initiating new ideas.
Remember, efforts don’t have to be huge: a massage, bath or candles is a nice touch to add flavor to your experience.
4. Understand What You Want Out of the Experience and Communicate that to Your Partner
To help your partner plan out a fun $.ex evening, let them know what you would like to do. Great idea: Both of you can fill out a “$.ex wish list” and give it to your partner. Simply exchanging this list will get you all juiced up.
5. Plan an “All About Your Partner” Evening Where You Spoil Them
Once in a while (every few months) think of something nice you can do for your partner. Spoiling your spouse is definitely a win/win proposition on so many relationship levels. Best is when you can tease your partner about what you plan to do—for days.
While routines can make us feel safe and secure in our $.ex lives, too much predictability can kill our sexual desire. If you can predict your partners every move then it might be time to mix things up a bit.
It doesn’t even have to be something as novel as light bondage or kinky $.ex… even starting by decorating your room differently (for example, using a new scented candle that you both enjoy) can make a difference in terms of making your sexual play feel new.
Other things you can do try out would be giving your partner an extended body massage, putting on your favourite music (whether it’s classic rock, instrumental guitar music, electronic, or any other genre is up to you), or putting on lingerie or buying them a new outfit you want them to wear.
Dr. Trina Read
Any experience or addition? Kindly air your thoughts in the comment section.