It is not personal but business is a common statement millions of people use to refer to why they acted in a particular way on an issue. Most times they apologise and try to make you reason with them.
I got to work early on Thursday morning in a very happy mood and feeling good about the day and all that. While preparing some documents for my boss’s presentation, a line manager walked into the conference room and the next thing he started castigating me for not sending them reminders early enough and also for the meeting being too early.
To me, he was generally making a nuisance of himself. He accused me of all these knowing fully well I am not tasked to do all that. I couldn’t even utter a word to defend myself because if I’d done anything with my mouth, seriously he’d hate himself by the time I was through (you all know how ladies tongues could be, right?) and secondly, I’d probably had ended up facing disciplinary actions for insulting a manager in the presence of other colleagues.
I was not happy with the scene created by this manager not because i didn’t respond to him but for the fact that it was just too early to begin a day with such.
After his rantings, some other colleagues who knew him very well came to cheer me up. I was told not to take it to heart because that is usually his MO (modus operandi). It is not personal a thing and I should let it go were the advices I got from them all. He had made them all felt worthless at one point or the other in the course of carrying out one business transactions or the other. Also, he has had altercations with others. I am not the first neither will I be the last.
His PA told me he is a deeply unhappy fellow and I shouldn’t take it to heart, because misery loves company and a hurting person will hurt others, a person who has never experienced love cannot love. They shared some stories to buttress their points and also to cheer me up. I got over it as the day progressed.
While analysing that event of Thursday this Saturday morning, I thought of the book- ”IT’S NOT PERSONAL: Lessons I’ve Learned from Dealing with Difficult Behavior” written by Cindy Hampel.
She’d stated how she went through handling fear and guilt tactics, using resentment and regret as guideposts, staying poised under pressure, communicating more effectively with others, forgiving others as a way to help yourself, and being happy despite difficult encounters etc.
What came to my mind was the realization that some people take not personal things too personal, not because of you but because of them, they feel slighted too easily.
For instance, have you noticed in traffic, a person driving an exotic car is likely to let you into the space in front of him than a taxi driver? Reason is that, he is happy, everything is working perfectly in his car and he doesn’t mind staying longer on the road. A taxi driver on the other hand feels threatened and sad that you drive a better car, and just wants to bring you down by not letting you in.
That little discomfort of yours gladdens his heart at that point in time. Unfortunately that’s how some folks are, they personalize all challenges and always carry chips on their shoulders like the world is out to get them. They are very touchy and edgy (you don’t joke with them because you don’t know what you will say or do that will offend them).
Getting drenched in the rain isn’t because the sky is against you my friend, it falls on both the good and the bad. Stop making it look like you are having a bad moment, a bad day or the elements are against you personally.
Some people are unsecured and have been hurt. Sometimes one might get caught in the crossfire of their storms and feel why does this person hate me so much? I mean Joseph in the Bible wasn’t sold because of him as a person but because his brothers have no dreams and they were intimidated by what they saw about his future. He knew it wasn’t personal and for this he readily forgave them.
I mean it is pride on our part to think someone wakes up every morning just to device new ways of tormenting others. This attitude will only make you paranoid and reading unnecessary meanings into things. I know it is hard to believe you do not have haters, just people who want you to be better not bitter. Stop making it personal, learn from it and let go.
I have come to realize the more I learn to treat people with more freedom the better my life will be, having less expectations from people and not taking things they said behind my back to heart has helped me to live better without stress. I learnt to let go and live.
I accept people will always be better and some will be best, I cannot always win because no champion reigned forever- a fact of life I have come to accept. I do not take second place or losing personal anymore. I believe as human you do the best you can and you will be just fine, Take corrections and improve on yourself always.
Why writing on her most hated workplace comment, Lisa Quast, is of the view that:
- If you’ve ever argued with someone at work (or wanted to) about the way something should be done, it’s personal
- If you’ve ever felt like something you have been asked to do is “stupid” or “wrong” or “boring”, it’s personal
When it’s not personal, don’t try to make it be…. Life is worth more than brewing unnecessary grudges.
Any experience or addition? Kindly air your thoughts in the comment section.