Self-worth does not decrease based on someone’s inability to value it – Anonymous.
Your worth is in your hands. Opinion of others must not override you and therefore, your value in life doesn’t decrease because people refused to see your worth. – My elementary teacher.
Those were the exact words of my teacher in elementary 5 and 6. We were kids, naive, dependent, innocent and with minds that didn’t understand the world we live in. As a teacher, she knew we wouldn’t understand those words of advice back then as most of us weren’t more than 11 years of age, but would do later as life progresses with us.
Mrs. Olu was more than just a teacher, she was a motivational and inspirational teacher who understood something about life that most teachers and elderly people of her age didn’t know.
Every Monday morning immediately after the general assembly, she would go to the blackboard and write something new and whatever she wrote on any Monday morning would be there throughout that week.
I later got to know this every Monday morning ritual as Words on the Marble for the Week.
They served as the guiding principle for every week and only students in her class enjoyed this privilege but sadly to say, no one, not even I understood what she was writing at that time. In the two years she taught me, I could only remember two of these writings and they are; No cross, No Crown, and someone’s inability to value you doesn’t reduce your self-worth in life.
These words have never left my head each time I think of her. To her, everyone has a worth and no one should take too seriously the opinion of others to heart because we are different people and we think differently.
Even twins, she said, no matter how identical they look, most times they are different people inside, act differently and perceive a particular situation differently.
Some of us, we have let the opinions of others define who we are in life and have been overridden by what others thought about us. Even even something we know too well, we tend to doubt ourselves.
I find this most common in romantic relationships. I remember some years back, I had and still have this good friend whose perspective to life and marriage is the type the world calls ‘’a keeper’’ or something young guys will refer to as ‘’a wife material’’.
This lady is all shades of kindness with a strong and positive aura that any sensible young bachelor would grab, but sadly or unfortunately, her boyfriend of that time didn’t value her no matter how she tried to please him.
While she was busy doing anything to make her boyfriend see her in the perspective of their relationship (then), the guy wasn’t interested. During weekends, she would visit him, clean his house, wash his clothes, cook, and clean the dishes before returning to her home on Sunday to get set for work on Monday.
Whenever she left his home, he was out with his guys and they all go partying with other ladies. While we kept trying to make her see reasons why she should end the relationship, she kept trying to also make us see reasons why they were meant to be together. Most times she would cry to us about the treatment he meted out to her, yet she never gave up on this guy.
We, her friends ‘d given up on her because we felt there was no reason anymore trying to talk sense into her. They had dated for 3 years and in a normal African setting, ladies want to get married when they are over 25 years of age. She was 28.
When it got to a period she couldn’t take the treatment anymore, she ended it by herself, and eight months later she was standing at the alter with a loving and richer guy who worshiped the ground she walks on and gives her a listening ear when she speaks. I later got to know the other guy tried apologizing for a comeback, but this time around, the scales had fallen off from my friend’s eyes and she could see properly how her worth was thrown to the dustbin in her former relationship.
On evening while visiting her after her wedding, she looked at me directly in the eyes and said, ”Bee, as she fondly calls me, ‘’do you know I have confidence in myself in anything I do now”?
From my friend’s story, all i could conclude is that, it is better to be single and happy than to be in a relationship where you are not valued but miserable all the time. You have worth which must be respected, treasured and if any one wouldn’t value it comes around you, be quick to show him or her the exit door.
Self-worth or self-esteem are vital beliefs for empowering oneself. A valid sense of self-worth is necessary in order to attain love, peace, joy, power, and a sound mind. A valid sense of self-worth precludes the possibility of committing suicide. Without self-worth, doubts and fears about our very existence will persist until they invalidate our dreams and vision, and undermine our greatest accomplishments.
If you don’t respect yourself then you won’t take care of yourself the way you should. By achieving this, you set boundaries for your life and your relationships. This will encourage people’s deference to you.
You cannot allow people to treat you poorly and if they do, you need to recognize your worth and walk away. Others cannot negatively influence your opinion of yourself; this will only lead to degradation of your worth. You must love and respect yourself before anyone else can.
If you have molded yourself to what people want you to be, then I feel sorry for you because that isn’t love. If you beat yourself up over what someone else thinks, it will kill your spirit, and if you try to be what someone else wants you to be you’ll just end up bending yourself into a pretzel because these people are not please-able. Kindly save yourself the headache.
Be you and be original because last time i checked, it is still better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.
So, let me read your thoughts on this and also add yours.